It’s been 7 months since the Gidster was born and I feel like I have a decent handle on this parenthood thing, at least parenting a 7 month old. I have
Gidster, staring down Mr. Lion.
learned much along the way from the practical to the impractical and here are 10 of the most useful things I have learned thus far.
1. How to change a diaper and other necessary babying skills.
The very first diaper I have ever changed was my son’s. For the first couple of weeks of his life I avoided changing his diaper as much as possible, not because I was grossed out as much as I was terrible at it. His legs would kick everywhere and the diaper tabs would stick to stuff I didn’t intend to. After some coaching from the natural that Caroline seemed to be, I have since become very deft at changing his diaper, I am not however, advertising my services to any other baby.
Other skills I have gained for my fathering resume is putting a baby to sleep, feeding a bottle to a baby, carrying a new born so their head does not roll off, preparing frozen breast-milk (came at a price of quite a few wasted bags of milk) and irrigating the nostrils of a stuffed up baby. My limited previous experience has made this little adventure interesting, yet all of these skills I can now say I have semi-pro status. If it were equivalent to basketball, I would be the Flint Michigan Tropics of parenting.
2. Life acceleration at it’s finest. Turns out the world doesn’t stop for you, nor anyone else.
We should feel special, or at least equal to everyone else because the world doesn’t halt when major events happen in ones life. In fact, as Gideon came into this world, we found that life seemed to accelerate. The days are flying by like a Delorian traveling at 88mph. My Flux Capacitor is fluxing. Adjusting to this new personality in your life is interesting because you do what you did before , yet add a whole other set of responsibilities and desires. Some things that don’t stop after Mr. Baby arrives are (disclaimer: some of these things will wait for a small amount of time but in most cases will need your attention); work, church, meetings, finances, laundry, dishes, pets, bowel movements, friends, and yourself. Time continues to tick, and as much as we’d like a remote to slow it or stop it for a while, it is an unstoppable force equal to that of Tsunami, or Snuggies recent emergence into our mainstream lives and on our puppies. I’ve learned, embrace it as it comes, and give yourself, your child, and your spouse much grace as is needed. By the way, it took me 7 months to write this one post.
3. Sleep is a precious resource somewhere between Adamantium and Unobtanium on the periodic table of elements.
Let me start off by saying that I had it good. I am not disillusioned to the fact that my wife did not ask as much as she could have as far as midnight feedings and the like. Because of my work schedule she didn’t require much of me during those wee hours. I did help out though, (especially within the first couple of weeks) and realized that in the beginning, babies could care less about what time a day it is. It’s almost midnight, your tired, he doesn’t care he wants to cry. It’s 4am, you’re sleeping, nope it’s baby wake time. Our efforts to be really quiet during midnight feedings and changing him were often met with crying for reasons that are beyond my understanding, and usually theirs. They sleep a lot, just in the beginning it’s random and sporadic and rarely coinciding with yours. It seemed like he would never sleep through the night and we’d be walking zombies until he was at least in the 9th grade. 3 months seemed to be the magic age (some say it’s at 15lbs). The first night he slept 7 or so hours you wake up disoriented, confused, refreshed, and a little concerned as you rush over to the sleeping baby to make sure they are breathing. The sigh of relief comes and celebration ensues. So sleep, sleep when and as much as you can. Around 5 months he became a sleeping champ (in his own crib at least). He now sleeps 12 hours a night with as much as 3 hours of nap a day. We are counting our blessings at this age because we know as they get older, their naps decrease. Which reminds me, I’m getting fussy, I must need a nap.
4. Breastfeeding is no longer an enigma.
I have worked my share of restaurant jobs and come across varying degrees of modestly breastfeeding women and I have to tell you, it was always uncomfortable. I would greet a table and usually realize halfway through my greet as I try and make eye contact with everyone there, that one of those people had a little alien attached to their chest. Eye contact would be abruptly halted and the other side of the table would begin to receive the bulk of my attention. This phenomenon is exacerbated when the woman is feeding without a cover of any sort.
In all honesty, the idea of breastfeeding to me was more of a leach draining it’s victim than a helpless human needing proper nutrition. My perception has since changed thanks in part to my own flesh and blood being one those leaches, and learning about the amazing benefits of the self made baby nectar. They’re still leaches, but the kind of leach you carry around the house and take care of and love to no end.
5. Each new stage is better and more exciting than the previous.
Stage 1: Gideon is 3 days old, that fresh from the hospital smell. He lies there, staring at us, the patterned pillow, the wall, we think he is the most amazing thing ever. He’s a blob that doesn’t do much and yet we are so proud of him for it.
Stage 2: 1 month old, he’s cooing, smirking, and tooting regularly. He’s the most amazing diaper painter in history.
Stage 3: 2-3 months old, smiling regularly, chuckling, squealing, genuinely interested in these people that are always holding up these contraptions that make clicking noises and occasionally flash a bright light. He’s the coolest spit up machine ever
Stage 4: 4 months old and he’s looking and acting like a little boy. Toots with force, laughing, trying out his vocal chords and newly formed talent of syllable spitting. He’s one fantastic little crap maker!
Stage 5: 5-6 months old and he’s starting to roll over, want to crawl, and he’s really trying to speak to us. It makes no sense yet it is stop what you’re doing and repeat it syllable for syllable worthy. It fills you with joy and pride and you realize, no other baby in the history of this world has accomplished the feat of stringing “Ha” with “Da” as well as other syllabic concoctions.
Stage 6: 7-8 months old and he’s army crawling around the house. He can sit up like a real human being and is content sitting there for 20 minutes shaking, banging, flinging, and talking to his toys. Ba ba da ba are regular words uttered throughout the short waking day. I sit down with this little wordsmith and try to coax an intentional “dada” or “kitty” or “Kaizer Soze” out of him.
6. Nicknames aplenty.
Gidster, Giddy, The Gid, Bubba, Boy, Mr. Cheeks, and a whole host of other names that seem to fly off our tongues as we talk to our child. I think the least used name around the house is his true name, Gideon. Of course, you have to reserve that name for when you really need his attention like, “Gideon, don’t touch that fire pit,” or “Gideon Leo, I thought I told you not to base jump so close to dinner time!” We have to keep it effective you know? Of course there’s already been plenty of mixing up Gid’s name with our cat Winston. That occurred not one week into bringing Gidster home. Winston doesn’t seem to mind, it usually is proceeded with a pet or two. I’m leaving my nickname vault wide open because I’m sure as he accomplishes new feats, like scoring his first soccer goal or drumming his first roll nicknames will spew forth, I’m assuming the usual “Champ” or and occasional “New York City Giddy.”
7. Patience must overcome selfishness… in a deathmatch.
They cry and fuss the most when you need to get stuff done. They completely fill their diaper when you are ready to head out the door for church. They spit up on your freshly washed outfit. They are an inconvenience. They are hungry when you want to sleep. They are needy. They are the most wonderful thing that will ever happen to you aside from maybe finding out the meaning of life (contact me if you haven’t figured it out yet). All of those negative things are why people don’t want to have babies. Really, parenting is a breaking down of selfishness and realizing your life is not a big deal and there are other people in this world that should come before you. I’m not a pro at this, but I’ve come to understand the quicker you come to these realizations, the better off you’ll be. I think everyone in this world can use some practice in unselfishness anyhow. Prepare yourself for the octagon!
8.Everyone receives baby-talk.
Gideon was my first extensive practice in being around a baby. When I first had him I talked to him like an adult which I don’t think is a bad thing but it didn’t entertain him very much. When he began to smile I would start to do anything that would make him smile. If you were to come over to my place for a day you may see many of the following acts, “dancing (and by that I mean jumping back and forth in some sort of rhythm), jumping out from behind things and yelling, “Ahhh,” with an obnoxiously large smile, jumping around the house with him in my arms, or making various voices and sounds all just to crack a smile or laugh. The side-effect to such behavior is the cats end up getting the same treatment, the 2 year old’s at church get the same treatment, often my wife gets a similar treatment. None of which, are amused. I’m sure it will change when he (The Gid) will no longer be amused either. Then I will be “crazy dad” who hops around the house with his 14 year old son in his arms… I digress.
9. Everything is rubbish and doesn’t really matter.
Things that used to matter like money, things, entertainment, even work, really don’t. Life is about priorities, daily I have to shift things in and out of my priority cue. More often then not, family is up there along with my faith, and eating a good cheese steak. I’m not saying all things should be completely ignored aside from family, but in the end, when you’ve hit the snooze button on the alarm clock of life too many times, what’s going to matter? What will you see in your waning breaths? Will it be your 4 bed 2.5 bath house? Will it be your super cool 85 Honda CRX? Will it be your job? My guess it will be faces, faces of those you loved and loved you. But that’s just my hunch.
10. God’s love, however I understood it before, is much more real.
There’s a recent song that has become very popular in the Christian circles and one of the lyrics is, “He loves like a hurricane.” That is incredible imagery of how much God loves us. Gideon coming into our lives has made that a wonderful thing into a real thing. I love my son. I would die for my son. I can’t imagine life without my son. Whatever wayward path I took to get to where he is in my life, I don’t regret it for a minute. Which is a huge thing for my super analytical brain to wrap around. God feels the exact feelers I do for my son, for all of us human beings under this glowing sun, but his goes to 11. His loves goes far beyond comprehension of our feeble minds. This is not just a cliche to say to people to make them feel special, this is a real and now tangible fact of reality.
And now… for that cheese steak…
