Trucks vs. Tutus (Caroline on Having a Boy)

It is so strange how much you get used to the idea of your baby’s identity the moment you find out.  As you’ve probably seen in our video, both Jeremy and I are delighted and excited about having a boy.  Ever since we found out, things have definitely seemed to make more sense… could this be why I’ve been craving protein more than anything else?  Or that I’ve had an easy pregnancy so far?  That I’ve been carrying lower?  (I know I know, most of these are old wives’ tales that make no sense, but still… makes you wonder…)

Here is what was a little surprising: for some reason, from the time we found out we were pregnant, Jeremy & I (amongst a few other close friends) had a weird inkling that we were going to have a girl.  Not having to do with hope or wishful thinking… just feeling.  

Obviously, our intuition was proven wrong.  (We even had a 2nd ultrasound today at the doc’s and yep — it’s still a boy!)  But you know what?  I am so excited.  Here’s a funny story…

Just days before the 20-week ultrasound, I was working at Starbucks and happened to serve a group of teenage girls.  They were all wearing matching clothes; they were all cackling; they were all gossiping; they were all wearing tons of makeup.  Well, okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit… for being girls that live around this ritzy area, they seemed to be pretty nice.  But they still drove me up the wall!  And that made me realize something:

In the matter of minutes whilst finishing up those girls’ vanilla bean frappucinos, it dawned on me that I am in no way ready to deal with the emotionalism and drama that comes with raising a girl.

Forget the pink ruffles.  Forget the cute clothes, tea parties, easy-bake ovens, and playing Barbie or House, or Barbie-house or anything of the sort.  None of those calm the fear, trepidation, and dread of trying to deal with mood-swings and sensitivities beyond logical reason.  I have a hard enough time controlling those issues in myself!  

Not to mention all the horrendous things I would have to potentially face in raising a daughter in the later years.  Having to deal with my 8-year old wanting a Bratz-themed birthday.  And later, wanting to talk on the phone for hours on end or watch the next generation’s Gossip Girl and obsess over clothes and body image.  And even later, dating (OH GOODNESS).

Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against girls.  I am a girl, and I’m glad to be one; and someday, I’m sure if and when God chooses me to parent a girl, I’ll be more than happy to do it.  Just… not now.  

Simply put, I’ve come to terms with the fact that God really has a handle on things… and for starters, judging by the fears I have of having a girl far outweighing having a boy, I’ve been able to see that His divine design for our family is to have a son for a firstborn.  Why, I’m not sure yet.  I’m still having a hard time knowing why now is the time God has chosen us to be parents.  In real-world terms, it’s not the perfect timing, I’ll tell you that!  (But that will be in a later blog soon to come).

But this is what I can tell you with great joy: I am ecstatic about having a son.  I can’t wait to meet him.  I can’t wait to see his face and be his Momma.  I can’t wait to watch him grow up into a strapping young lad that plays with trucks, wrestles with Dad, goes to soccer tournaments, and eventually comes around to teasing the girls he likes.  Sure, I’m going to be afraid of broken bones.  Sure, I’ll have days when I’ll yell at him for throwing a baseball in the house and knocking over furniture.  And sure, I’ll roll my eyes whenever he and Dad will share bad jokes or have burping contests or what-have-you.  

But it’s going to be worth every bit of it.  I can’t believe how excited I am.  It’s absolutely perfect that we are having a boy.