“pssst hey… I think I’m having contractions.”

1:15am September 10th.

I had been sleeping for 3 hours already and was going to wake up in 3 more for a Starbucks shift. I stir from my slumber to Caroline coming to bed after a long night of teaching, church music practice, and grocery shopping. I was thinking about some breakfast cereal that she bought that night as she said in a quiet voice, “hey, I think I’m having contractions.” Still drowsy, and thinking of some Mom’s Best brand frosted mini-wheats I sat there a moment and let that information sink in. If we were in a movie I would have sat up quickly, rushed to gather my things, and run out the door for the hospital in my jammies speeding down the highway and breaking numerous traffic laws. Most movies however, don’t really have a realistic portrayal of child birth. Still groggy I reply to Caroline, “well lets keep track of how long they’re apart and then go from there.” As I lay back down to rest some more I realize that just in case I should probably get my stuff together.

“Here comes another one.”

1 hour passes and the contractions are around 1 minute every 5 minutes. I call the hospital and they say to come in. Caroline is straightening her hair and making sandwiches in between contractions. There’s always the chance it’s false labor so it didn’t really hit me, plus it’s in the middle of the night so there’s an automatic dreamy like state.

“You’re 4 centimeters, and fully effaced. Let’s have a baby.”

This is the point where Caroline and I looked at each other like, “I guess it’s all happening… wow!” The next few hours flew by, it all feeling very surreal.  I think we watched a movie, listened to music, called all of our family, We even slept for a half hour or so, and i used the restroom about 43 times. (I was a little nervous what?)

“It’s time to push.”

The next 25 minutes were what I was most nervous about. What would it be like? Will I be right there rooting her along telling her to push? Would I be passed out on the floor from it all? Would I be there with my video camera capturing for all to see? And of course the obvious, what would he look like? Will he have all his fingers, toes, limbs, and other necessary pieces of anatomy. All I can say is that it was the most beautiful thing I have seen yet, because it was our kid, and it’s such a miracle. All that needs to happen for a child to be born from conception to this moment and it all happened, perfectly.

9:35am September 10th. It’s a boy.

Wrinkly, grayish, quivering. I completely expected to cry the first time I saw him, or at least jump for joy running in the halls yelling, I’m a papa! Honestly though, my first thought was, “This kid looks familiar. I’ve never seen him yet he looked a little like me, and a little like Caroline, and a little like a California Raisin.” He cried and we stared. I just wanted to study everything about this little guy. His toes, whoa they’re long! His hair, he has lots of hair! His mouth, looks like my moms. His jetpack, where’d he get a jetpack? I never left his side as they weighed him, measured him, and all the stuff nurses do after a human is birthed. I snapped picture after picture. It was all still surreal.

I am a papa. I am a papa. This kid is my boy. This kid is my boy. Holy S***! Like I said, it’s all very surreal even today as I hold him, change him, play ninja pirate with him I have to remind myself that it’s all real. I’m not sure I’m ready for this responsibility even now, but he’s here and he needs loving, committed parents, and I’m depending a lot on God to teach me to be the Papa he needs. It’s a big responsibility, and I want to do it right.

His name is Gideon Leo Spingath.

Gideon has two meanings, the classic being “feller of trees” (pretty awesome in it’s own right) and the Christian being “mighty warrior.”
Leo means “Lion,” and “Courageous.”
No interpretation needed for why we picked those names.

He’s an awesome little dude. He’s already cracking me up with the different faces he makes, when he smiles, even when he cries. When he’s awake, he looks around studying everything, including us. That’s where the magic is, when he looks at me and studies me and has a look like, “You look familiar, I think I know you.” Awesome!

Gideon Leo Sleeping

Gideon Leo posing

Trucks vs. Tutus (Caroline on Having a Boy)

It is so strange how much you get used to the idea of your baby’s identity the moment you find out.  As you’ve probably seen in our video, both Jeremy and I are delighted and excited about having a boy.  Ever since we found out, things have definitely seemed to make more sense… could this be why I’ve been craving protein more than anything else?  Or that I’ve had an easy pregnancy so far?  That I’ve been carrying lower?  (I know I know, most of these are old wives’ tales that make no sense, but still… makes you wonder…)

Here is what was a little surprising: for some reason, from the time we found out we were pregnant, Jeremy & I (amongst a few other close friends) had a weird inkling that we were going to have a girl.  Not having to do with hope or wishful thinking… just feeling.  

Obviously, our intuition was proven wrong.  (We even had a 2nd ultrasound today at the doc’s and yep — it’s still a boy!)  But you know what?  I am so excited.  Here’s a funny story…

Just days before the 20-week ultrasound, I was working at Starbucks and happened to serve a group of teenage girls.  They were all wearing matching clothes; they were all cackling; they were all gossiping; they were all wearing tons of makeup.  Well, okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit… for being girls that live around this ritzy area, they seemed to be pretty nice.  But they still drove me up the wall!  And that made me realize something:

In the matter of minutes whilst finishing up those girls’ vanilla bean frappucinos, it dawned on me that I am in no way ready to deal with the emotionalism and drama that comes with raising a girl.

Forget the pink ruffles.  Forget the cute clothes, tea parties, easy-bake ovens, and playing Barbie or House, or Barbie-house or anything of the sort.  None of those calm the fear, trepidation, and dread of trying to deal with mood-swings and sensitivities beyond logical reason.  I have a hard enough time controlling those issues in myself!  

Not to mention all the horrendous things I would have to potentially face in raising a daughter in the later years.  Having to deal with my 8-year old wanting a Bratz-themed birthday.  And later, wanting to talk on the phone for hours on end or watch the next generation’s Gossip Girl and obsess over clothes and body image.  And even later, dating (OH GOODNESS).

Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against girls.  I am a girl, and I’m glad to be one; and someday, I’m sure if and when God chooses me to parent a girl, I’ll be more than happy to do it.  Just… not now.  

Simply put, I’ve come to terms with the fact that God really has a handle on things… and for starters, judging by the fears I have of having a girl far outweighing having a boy, I’ve been able to see that His divine design for our family is to have a son for a firstborn.  Why, I’m not sure yet.  I’m still having a hard time knowing why now is the time God has chosen us to be parents.  In real-world terms, it’s not the perfect timing, I’ll tell you that!  (But that will be in a later blog soon to come).

But this is what I can tell you with great joy: I am ecstatic about having a son.  I can’t wait to meet him.  I can’t wait to see his face and be his Momma.  I can’t wait to watch him grow up into a strapping young lad that plays with trucks, wrestles with Dad, goes to soccer tournaments, and eventually comes around to teasing the girls he likes.  Sure, I’m going to be afraid of broken bones.  Sure, I’ll have days when I’ll yell at him for throwing a baseball in the house and knocking over furniture.  And sure, I’ll roll my eyes whenever he and Dad will share bad jokes or have burping contests or what-have-you.  

But it’s going to be worth every bit of it.  I can’t believe how excited I am.  It’s absolutely perfect that we are having a boy.

The video….

Well guys here you go. Find out with us on our visit today to the doctor’s for our 20 week ultrasound telling us whether we are having a boy or a girl!
http://www.facebook.com/v/1159545186719

… Will embed it as soon as I can!

Gummy Bear… a BOY or a GIRL?

Wow… I really didn’t think that this would come around so quickly.  I thought I would have a couple of months of soaking in the fact that we’re having a baby… and before you know it, we’re finding out TOMORROW if we are having a boy or a girl!  Goodness.

At this point, I personally can feel baby kicking and jabbing around a little here and there.  It’s incredible.  The first time I felt it, I think my jaw dropped.  There’s actually human life growing inside of me.  What a miraculously weird experience!  And now, we’re (hopefully) about to see if we’re going to be getting this precious Gummy pink or blue things to wear.  

No matter what it is, I know Jeremy & I are both thrilled.  At this point, we have no preference on what we hope our first child to be.  We both have a feeling it’s a girl… but you never know!!  

The appointment is at 1:30pm tomorrow (Monday)… so for the next twelve hours, the guess is up to you!   Vote what kind of Gummy Bear YOU think we’re having!  Let’s make this fun!

Seeing (and hearing) is believing

The most beautiful sight and sound in the history of the earth happened in Lone Tree Colorado this past month. Doctors and scientists stood around in awestruck wonder, nurses and patients piled in the room, mice and cockroaches came out of their hiding places, and the entire world stopped… to see the amazing sight of my child on the ultrasound screen, strong heart beating, and watching it wiggling around every few seconds. Everyone held silent, then as gummy wiggled cheers would erupt, hoots and hollars would roar, and I think even the wave started around the packed room. Gummy lived up to the hype by posing with its arms behind its head, doing the robot, and practicing the jumping high five.

In March, as Caroline mentioned we were able to see our baby on the ultrasound and it was incredible. Before then, we knew it was there, Caroline had all the symptoms, the pee told us, but it was hard to really feel like we were pregnant. Seeing the ultrasound, then a month later hearing the heartbeat just a couple weeks ago, really confirmed that this baby, is a reality. For those that have been through pregnancy understand the wonder of seeing this little creation on the ultrasound screen and hearing the little heartbeat on the doppler. For those that haven’t yet, it’s a wonderous event and though it will be life changing, we welcome this responsibility with open arms.

It’s been fun to see the little bump forming on Caroline, and as of now the ears are able to hear what’s going on outside the womb so we have to stop our constant swearing and yelling at each other. I kid, it does make us more aware though and I think I’m going to start reciting parts of the dictionary every night before bedtime.

All the while this is going on I’ve quit my job at Red Robin to focus 100% on my passion. I’ve started to study web design, I’m working on graphic design projects, and going to improve my video portfolio and we believe this will open up so much more then Red Robin ever could. It’s a step of faith, scary, yet exciting, and we trust God knows what He is doing and we have put our life (including Gummy’s) in His hands.

We’re getting excited for the prospect of parenthood and to mess up a child in our own special Spinny way. By the way, if it’s a boy we’re thinking Ronny Blair Spingath and a girl, Audio Visual Spingath. Let us know what you think.

Our First Appointment & Ultrasound

 

The white area in the head is the brain. You can see Gummy wiggling arms and legs here.

As some of you may know, the first doctor’s appointment doesn’t really count when it comes to pregnancy because all you do is meet with the nurse while they ask you a slew of questions concerning family medical history and take painful vials of your blood (at least 3!  The first of many more).  BUT, the 2nd time you go to the office, you actually get to meet with the doctor AND get your first ultrasound.  

Which is what I would like to call my 1st official visit.

Our ultrasound/doctor’s appointment took place this last Monday, the 23rd.  Jeremy, Lacey & I headed off to the office with mutual feelings of giddiness.  I was very excited… but feeling a little weird.  For this whole time, the pregnancy had felt completely surreal to me.  Besides feeling hungrier and a little more emotional (and gaining 7lbs by this time, mind you), I really couldn’t believe that I was actually growing a human being inside my body.  Trust me, it’s a strange phenomenon, and it’s even stranger to attempt grasping the fact that it’s happening to you.

Well, all of those feelings were brought to a screeching halt when the ultrasound came into a distinct view.  As the “camera” adjusted itself, the blur of black & white shadows conformed into a clear image of wiggling life.

My baby.

There was our gummy bear, with arms pointing upward, almost as if to say hello.  Or just stretching and waking from a nap?  Needless to say, it was a breathtaking miracle of a sight.  At just 47mm long (which is about an inch and a half), his/her heart was beating with amazing speed, growing and producing more cells as we watched it all happening.  

Dr. Brashear pointed out the brain, the heart, the arms, the legs, the spinal cord… it was all there.  And she kept repeating, “Yep, that strong heartbeat and wiggling around is exactly what we want to see.  With this much energy, I know you’re not going to miscarry.  Congratulations, you have a healthy baby so far!”

It was incredible.  Seriously, I have never experienced this kind of joy and awe in my life.  Readers, you probably have seen all the pictures on my facebook… well, I have those same pictures on my cell phone, and I tell you, it’s hard not to keep staring at them.  (Lacey knows this full well!)  Just today, someone actually honked at me at an intersection because I was staring at my baby picture, not realizing that the light had turned green.  (And you all have full right to make fun of me for that!  But don’t worry, I don’t look at them when I’m driving.)  

I don’t care how head-over-heels I’m being here… because that is my daughter or son that God is crafting inside of me, and it’s so overwhelmingly miraculous I can hardly contain myself.  And my mom-friends are right; this whole pregnancy has become so much more real to me since the Monday I witnessed this life being knitted together.

I’m going to be a mom.  And I can’t wait to meet my child.

Papa to be…

By Jeremy

Lifting the glass to my face I take a refreshing swig of filtered water. I had just got home from work and Caroline was just walking in the door, with a couple bags of groceries and munching on some BBQ flavored Kettle Chips. Which is strange because Caroline rarely buys snacks like that. I look expectantly and ask, “Did you get it?” She nodded and smiled, anxiously. “Should I take it now?” She asks. “Yes, yes you should,” is my reply. I’m making dinner, munching on some delicious Kettle Chips when she emerges around 1 minute later with a stunned look on her face, holding a stick with pee on it. I freeze in mid chip munch. “We’re pregnant,” she says quietly, yet matter of fact. The chip drops from my mouth, and there was an echo, heard round the room, of a chip cracking on to the slate colored linoleum floor.

We’re pregnant. 4 weeks later and it still hasn’t sunk in. There’s evidence. Caroline has definitely been talking passionately about food , and eating more frequently. Her moods have fluctuated like the weather in Seattle. She gets nauseous here and there and definitely cannot handle the sight or sound of someone on TV throwing up. Yet, it still feels surreal. Like, life will continue like it is and has been for the past two plus years of our marriage. It won’t though. A kid changes everything, or at least most things. I usually am a forward thinker, looking at the next 5 years with goals of where I’d like to be. My forward thinking has shortened slightly, to ohhh about, September. There’s a huge gap on my calendar around that time with a question mark on it, and I don’t know what to expect.

Last October, Caroline and I were talking about the eventual occurrence of children, and felt that it was God’s timing for us to have a child. It’s not really our timing with money and my education being the practical barriers to the ideal venture into parenthood. Specifically not having enough money/too much debt, and my not having a proper education. Yet, God has chosen this time to bring a child into this world for a purpose and all we can do is pray that we will be faithful and strong enough to usher in that purpose. God we know, is and will be taking care of us. One day around this time as well, I felt that when we got pregnant, it would be a girl. I don’t know why I felt this way, and I’m not the only one, but it’s a gut feeling. I will be more than happy, however, to have a boy. I’m not leaning toward either chromosome.

The Japanese have a phrase, “Waku waku.” It means anticipation and excitement. That about sums up the bulk of my feelings about this adventure. The more it sinks in, the more excited I am at the prospect of being a Dad. We may not have our own house, the nicest baby clothes, the most elaborate baby intercom system with baby thought monitor and diaper changing system, but one thing there will be an abundance of is love.

WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!

(by Caroline)

Wow.  What an amazing thought.

It’s been a few weeks (wait, almost a month?? Really?) since Jeremy & I have come out with the big news — yet I feel like all of this is still very surreal to me.

I’m trying to recall all that has happened since we found out.  Even before we found out… (this is going to be more of a reflective blog.)  … And here’s the funny thing.  Just days before I ended up taking the pregnancy test, I remember being on the stairway of our apartment before Jeremy headed off to work.  We had been talking about eventually becoming parents, and I tugged at his sleeve and said with a shaky voice, ”Babe, I really really don’t think we’re ready.  I thought I would be happy to become a mom, but there’s so much going on in our lives right now that there’s just no way we’re ready for this!!”

Little did I know that I wasn’t making a simple confession of fear… I was actually having my first hormonal moment.

Well, days later, I discovered myself with a positive pregnancy test.  When I showed Jeremy, he almost choked on a corn chip… and then we both started screaming and jumping up and down in the kitchen.

“WE’RE HAVING A BABY!”

Oh, family & friends, we wanted to tell you all right away SO BADLY!  But Jeremy, of course, had a grand scheme already up his sleeve.  So right away, we started planning the ever-famous video that you all have probably seen by now (if not, visit here) to announce the big news to everyone we know.  I’ll have J fill you in on details later on.

Now that the news is mostly out in the open (the only group of people I haven’t told are my music classes that I teach), I can gladly tell you that I feel very differently about our Gummy Bear on the way.  :)  I cannot be more excited about our firstborn.  God is incredible, and I am in awe of the fact that He has chosen to create a new life in me.  He has chosen Jeremy & I to bring someone into the world and raise him/her – to love & cherish, teach, protect, shape, and prepare – all for the sake of His Kingdom.  What a privilege and an honor.

I’m still very intimidated by some factors… knowing my need for control, the “unknown” is my least favorite of all things, much less the vast blank canvas ahead that is called the future (trust me, if you see my personal blog  you’ll get a better idea of what I mean).  Nonetheless, I am just so excited about all that is to come.  I still have 30 weeks left… and though it might seem like they’ll fly by, I hope to cherish them with all that I have.

Welcome to our journey.  :)